This retreat guide is intended for the person who is curious about an individual retreat but unsure where to start. Included are practical tools, things to consider, and a brief overview of the nature and purpose of personal retreats.
To begin is to acknowledge that any inkling, any curiosity that you have about time away with God, is God Himself calling you away with Him. “Then Jesus said, ‘You cannot come to Me unless the Father makes you want to come’.” (John 6:65 CEV) No one comes to God on their own, so no matter how minimal or unsure, this desire is God’s way of drawing you to Himself. Secondly, God desires time away with you. He desires to reveal Himself to you, “Come to me, and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you did not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
On retreat we detach from our everyday roles (co-worker, spouse, friend, sibling, father, mother, leader, pastor) to better connect to our deeper self: child of God. Spending time in this posture reorients us to our truest vocation, our greatest calling, and our most authentic identity. God wants you to rest in Him, enjoy Him, and while you may come to realize ‘great and unsearchable things’, the core value of retreat is time. We give God our time, often our most precious commodity, for whatever He has to give us in return.
To get in touch with this most authentic part of ourselves, God’s child, it is helpful to detach from our other identities and commitments. This can be beautiful and healing, but also has some pitfalls. Consider consulting with a spiritual director or therapist before and after your retreat experience. Often we need a companion to help us plan the content of the retreat, and pray for us while we are away. When we come back from retreat there is great benefit in debriefing that experience with a spiritual director. This helps us make sense of what happened on our retreat as part of the larger movement of God in our lives.
Some things to consider
– If you have never done a solitude retreat before, consider journeying with others in silence. There are monasteries and conference centers that host various types of retreats. These kinds of settings let you have ‘controlled solitude’. You can retreat to your private room, but your setting is amongst other retreaters.
– If you are currently struggling with your mental health, consult with your therapist before committing to time in solitude and silence. If you have physical health needs, make sure to integrate those as you plan your retreat and its location (private bathroom facilities etc.).
-Consider a day retreat if you are a nursing mother or the full-time caregiver to small children. The goal of retreat is detachment from the finite things of the world, so plan your retreat around a time you can fully detach. It is better to do monthly or quarterly day retreats, fully immersed, rather than try to get away for a week or weekend, only to be checking in constantly. The aim is fully-focused time with God, so whatever time frame in which you can accomplish that kind of detachment is ideal. Retreats are meant to be one aspect of a greater rhythm of our life in God, so start with something that feels accessible and doable, and something you can build upon.
-There are ways to get creative if it is financially burdensome to go on retreat. Consider a house/apartment swap with a friend who also wants to retreat. Consider house sitting for a friend going out of town. There are usually low cost venues that host retreaters if you are willing to bring your own food and linens.
What to do on retreat
The specifics of your retreat (readings, liturgies, prayers, poems and schedule) differ from person to person and from retreat to retreat. Ultimately, God is in control of this time, so the core goal, or most important ‘to-do’ on your retreat, is to open to what the Spirit is already doing in your life. Many find it helpful to have a spiritual director or friend who is already invested in one’s spiritual journey help plan retreats. Ultimately, a focused retreat helps us tune into the work God is already doing in us, to notice and participate in His action in our lives.
Although the specifics of each retreat may change, there are a few standby’s considered helpful in entering rest with God.
Environment: The ideal environment for retreat is one of silence and solitude: You will bring along perhaps a few books or resources, and definitely your Bible and a journal to record your thoughts, prayers and experiences. Consider what kind of environment sparks your curiosity or relaxes your senses. Having access to the outdoors is lifegiving for many on retreat. Consider the impact of God’s creation and natural beauty on your heart, spirit and mind.
In retreat, we aim to quiet the soul. Unfortunately, this leaves room for all the ‘baggage’ we carry around all the time to bubble to the surface and demand our attention. It is very tempting to want to ‘tune out’ if the silence becomes overwhelming or if our thoughts clamor for our attention. This is normal and expected. We do not want to fill the quiet with different noises; we aim to sit with God in the quiet. Try to pick a location without televisions in the rooms and minimal outside distractions. Let your family and friends know you will be unreachable and keep your phone off (and locked away if you must!)
Routine: Even if you do not have a formal plan for retreat, consider having a rough outline for each day, to center you on God and to keep your focus in stillness. Ask God for a guiding word or passage of Scripture to center your thoughts. Read a book or two on retreating to get a sense of how to structure your time. Many find observing the hours a helpful practice to orient retreat time to a rhythm of prayer.
Personal needs: Before going on retreat, consider what in your regular day, is lifegiving and what is burdensome or challenging. A caregiver to young children might find it beneficial to go to a retreat location where all meals and linens are provided. Someone who works long hours in an office setting might choose a location with lots of hiking trails or a view of the ocean. A pastor who works with words and Scripture all day may find it freeing to bring watercolors and clay to express worship and connect to God. Ask God how He might want to meet with you in this time to bring rest and refreshment within the context of your unique personality, work and life stage.
Lastly, remember that God longs for you to “come away” with Him on retreat (Song of Solomon 2:10). God will not hinder a person longing to be with Him, in fact, He will actively work alongside you to make it happen. May God be with you and bless you on your retreat.
Additional Reading:
By Ruth Haley Barton: “Invitation to Solitude and Silence”, and “Invitation to Retreat”
By Ben Campbell Johnson: “Time Away”
By Emilie Griffin: “Wilderness Time”
By Jane Rubietta: “Resting Place”